By Ginger Holm

The City of LeRoy has received a clean, "unmodified" audit opinion in a comprehensive independent audit of its financial operations completed recently by Smith, Schafer & Associates, Certified Public Accountants from Rochester, Minn.
An "unqualified opinion" is the highest level of assurance an audit firm can give on an organization's financial statements. Although it doesn't guarantee the organization's financial reports are free from error, it does give a level of assurance concerning its financial well-being.
Smith, Schafer & Associates conducted a thorough audit of the City's financial statements for the fiscal year ending on December 31, 2013, and concluded the City is in good financial shape at the present.
One of the most promising statements made by Jason Boynton, CPA with Smith, Schafer & Associates, was in reference to Wildwood Grove.
"We also pulled in the accounting activity for Wildwood Grove, because that is a fund of the City," said Boynton, who explained Wildwood Grove is doing better financially than in years past. 
Public input time brought questions about the status of troublesome properties within the city limits.
"We have had an overall good response from citizens," said Mayor Jennifer Gumbel. "A lot of people took the initiative to come to the City and ask what they could do to come into compliance."
Gumbel did say there were a couple residents whose situations were "a little sticky," and the City will be dealing with them.
A total of eight properties were issued letters concerning zoning violations. Five residents asked the City for direction on resolving the issues. The mayor and City clerk drove out and pointed out specific problems, which those residents promptly took care of. Of the other three properties, one owner recently suffered an injury. The City is working with the property owner on the matter. Council member Linda Sanders said three individuals contacted her to volunteer to help  the woman. Sanders said the property owner said "she would be okay with that."
One property owner did not pick up the certified letter and will be served by the deputy.
Another property owner appears to be ignoring the letter and will be fined as outlined in the ordinance. 
Mayor Gumbel reminded the assembly of the procedure to report properties in noncompliance with city ordinances, before moving on to the next item on the agenda.
The council will be discussing the property at 314 East Main Streer, onsite at a special meeting to be held July 21, 2014 at 7:15 p.m.  A special meeting to discuss renovations on the LeRoy Community Center will be held this same night.
A special work session to deal with the Water Treatment facility and the Emergency Services Building roof, will be held July 26, 2014 at 9:00 a.m., also in the LeRoy Community Center.
Estimates for Community Center renovations were discussed.
Also approved at this meeting were two building permits: Kathleen Gottschalk, at 704 Everett St. N., applied to replace an old storage shed, replace a broken fence with eight panels of privacy fence and add a retaining wall and patio around a stump. The shed will be 20 ft. by 8 ft. by 8 ft. high; Dennis A. White, at 808 N Everett Street, requested a permit to construct a 14-ft. by 24-ft. by 7-ft. high addition to the east side of the existing garage.
In other business, the council: 
~ accepted the resignation of Justin Brandau from the EDA and appointed Vicki Lidtke to fill the vacant seat;
~ approved Jim Gronwoldt's request to close the block on South Broadway next to Travel Lanes for the weekend of Summerfest;
~ approved a temporary liquor license to L-O Forever during the Saturday of Summerfest;
~ approved appointment of election judges for primary election on August 14, 2002.
The next regular meeting of the City of LeRoy will be held on Monday, August 4, 2014 at 7:30 p.m. in the LeRoy Community Center.

By Eileen Evans

At the LeRoy Lions meeting on July 10th, Jerry Barber took it upon himself to present the framed Lion of the Year award certificates to three LeRoy Lions officers Axel Gumbel, Craig Bucknell and Deb Bucknell, each presentation went with some words of wisdom from Lion Barber who prefaced the awards with his observation that "we are still learning how to be Lions. It is customary for us to look forward to the next year, but also to look back" and with that, told the members about Axel Gumbel who has been the secretary for the first year. He presented Gumbel with the first Lion of the Year award.
Jerry said, "Axel has done the most remarkable job of getting our club organized, keeping us organized, and keeping the information flowing --with only the occasional missed attachments." The secretary provides information by emails to the members about upcoming events, things to remember, club meeting agendas and other things to think about in between meetings.
When presenting the Lion of the Year award to Deb Bucknell, the treasurer, more words of wisdom came from the presenter who said, "I would like to recognize Mrs. Deb for her monumental effort in managing Craig Bucknell. As a banker, I know that there is more to managing money than just managing money. Anytime you have money, you have paperwork to document the money." Barber also said she should be recognized for her unwavering refusal to let me shave her dog to look like a lion!
Barber reminded Craig Bucknell, as he presented him with the Lion of the Year award, of the cup of coffee which happened to get the Lions Club started. He said, "We are all capable of doing great things, but when we come together -- we are capable of doing greater things. Getting us here and in this building on a Thursday evening requires leadership. Craig, you have provided that leadership."
Barber told the officers, "you three have set the bar high for the rest of us. I challenge the membership to see yourselves in one of these positions." To the members, he explained that all are not natural leaders or comfortable dealing with money or electronic communication, but it would "be irresponsible of us to enjoy all the trappings of membership without ever making the effort to serve."
With that, Barber made the motion to recognize these officers for their outstanding service and dedication to the Lions and the community at large this past year. All agreed.
By Ginger Holm

Some experiences are so great, you want to do them again and again!  Samantha Hamlin, of LeRoy, recently returned from her second mission trip to Guatemala and said she hopes to go again.
Hamlin left on March 8, 2014 and may have enjoyed this year's mission more than the last.
"I spent eight days in Guatemala, and this year I co-led the trip," said Hamlin, who was in charge of collecting all the information and getting forms together for the participants to go on the mission in San Lucas. 
Guatemala is an amazing experience," said Samantha, who added witnessing everything that has changed in the past year since her last trip was very exciting.  
"Working with the people, they are great people," she continued. "They love what they do, even though it is just simple tasks, like caring for the kids or making tortillas.  They love doing it.  It's their life." 
Hamlin said it is surprising how happy they are despite the little they have, "With all the material things we have in America, I think they are happier than people in the United States."
The trip to San Lucas Mission in San Lucas Tolimán, Guatemala, was organized through Campus Ministry and Volunteers Involved Through Action (VITA). 
Mission trips offered through Campus Ministry provide students an opportunity to immerse themselves in the culture, as well as build relationships with the local community. Student work may include: assisting in cooperative community projects such as sorting and picking coffee, working with the children in schools, assisting families on their land, assisting with the reforestation project, and helping to restore buildings in need of repair. 
Hamlin and her fellow missionaries participated in many aspects of Guatemalian life, including working two days at the San Lucas clinic. 
"They had a storage facility on their property, and they were in the process of converting it to an extended stay family facility," she explained. "When we arrived on their property, they were overjoyed to have more help. We immediately went to work cleaning out the building." 
Once a truck arrived with rebar, the group of about 12, began unloading and making plans for the day. It was hard work, but rewarding, according to Hamlin, who was assigned to the team cutting the rebar. 
"It was a pretty slow going process due to the saws being very dull - and they were actually hand-made saws." she said. "While we were on the second visit at the clinic and about done for the day, they informed us the work we had completed for them, would have taken them around a month to complete. They were very thankful." 
Hamlin also spent two days at a local village school. To get to the village and school they had to "cross a huge ravine that dropped at a 90 degree angle. Luckily there was a bridge to use." 
When they arrived at the school, they were told to form an assembly line. 
"We began to haul broken concrete and dirt out of two of the classrooms," Hamlin described four hours of hauling the dirt and concrete out in five gallon pails. 
"We moved the pails along a 50-yard assembly line to a pile where we were dumping the contents. At around noon we switched and began hauling new, fresh sand and rock into the rooms."
The group returned the next day to continued helping. 
"While we were there, many of the little kids were running around us and asking us silly questions," said Samantha. "Some of the boys would grab the pails and take off running with them down to the room they needed to go to. They were happy to have volunteers there to play and talk with."
When Hamlin's group spent one day at the coffee program sorting coffee beans, she noticed they had gotten a new roaster for the program since the last time she was there. 
While at the coffee program, she learned of a new honey program that was growing rapidly. 
"They displayed the honeycomb, the protective gear, and the purification process," she explained. "It was very interesting."
Another interesting area of learning was the medicinal garden.
"It is full of various kinds of herbs and fruits that they use to make concoctions that refer to their Mayan culture," Hamlin said. 
The reforestation project returned Hamlin to back-breaking labor as they filled reused sugar bags with dirt for plants to grow in.. 
"We filled about 1,000 bags," she said. "Once all the bags were filled, we had to use wheelbarrows to move the bags across the yard to the location where the plants would be grown."
One new event this year was the Chona, the headcook, talk, usually given in the evening, but this year she spoke in the afternoon. 
"[Chona] told her story of the war and the hardships she and everyone had faced," said Hamlin. "It is one of the best highlights from the trip for me, from both years I have gone."
Another event was the "Day in the Life." 
"At this event Cheke, Chona's daughter, taught us various tasks that they complete during the day, and they had us try them," Samantha continued. "We learned how to make tortillas, do laundry, carry wood on our backs, carry baskets on our heads, and many other things. 
"It was a really fun and great experience! I would go again in a heartbeat!!!"
Hamlin plans to return to Guatemala again, but in the meantime, her next mission trip will be to Costa Rica.
She will be leaving at 1:00 a.m. on December 27, 2014.  Unlike the service trips to Guatemala, the trip to Costa Rica is a medical mission trip.
"I will be in rural communities working one on one with native physicians," said Hamlin. "I will  do the patient's initial interview to find their reason for coming to the clinic."
Hamlin explained the health system in Costa Rica is so overwhelmed, they will not be able to treat all the conditions of each patient, but only the most serious conditions.
She will be hosting a fundraiser on July 30, from  4:00 to 8:00 p.m., at Pizza Ranch in Stewartville, Minnesota, to fund the trip. 
The proceeds will go towards the cost of the medical mission trip.
“The fund-raiser is necessary because this trip is more expensive," Hamlin explained. "Missionaries need to purchase their own medical equipment such as stethoscopes, blood pressure cups, scrubs, and gloves, in addition to the transportation to go.  They don't have any of that stuff there - we have to bring our own."
Hamlin believes mission trips are a great experience, that benefit, not only the people being served, but those who are providing the services.
"I would encourage people to take advantage of any opportunity they have to go on any missions trip. I go to become more culturally aware of  what other [countries] are going through.  I definitely like the service aspect and understanding how they do things.
"I like to live my life serving others and helping others anyway I can," she concluded.  "I feel everyone needs a hand in their life with help doing something.  So, if I can help someone, that's what I will do."
By Ginger Holm

For 75 years, the LeRoy Garden Club has been meeting and sharing ideas to improve their gardening skills.  To celebrate this landmark occasion, the club will be serving cupcakes at the Summerfest Container Garden Contest. 
Surprisingly, gardening was not the original purpose of the group!
According to a history shared in the LeRoy Independent on January 27, 2005, the current LeRoy Garden Club actually has its roots extending back to 1917, when a group of ladies met in the interest of soldiers and home care of the sick. In 1921, the first president, Mahalah McGillivray, was asked by the county nurse to organize a class in Beaver Township for the study of care of the sick in the home. Out of the 52 contacts Mrs. McGillviray sent out, 48 met to organize. About 18 mothers agreed to take the classes and when finished, they expressed a desire to continue meeting. They organized themselves into the Beaver Township  Mothers Club.
The group grew rapidly, extending its membership to mothers in Mower County and later decided to include unmarried women and changed the name to the County Line Progress Club and affiliated with the Women's Federated Club.
In 1938, interest in the club began to lag and the membership voted to try gardening and affiliated with the State Horticulture Society, in 1939. At the time, it had 19 members. 
This move renewed interest in the club and the president of the State Horticulture Society presented the club a bronze cup for making the largest increase in membership, going from 19 members to 82.
Interest continued to grow, and although the group was still called the Progress Club, they began hosting flower shows to raise funds. 
The club was so popular that 12 ladies were willing to drive all the way from Taopi, on rationed gas, to attend meetings. They later formed their own gardening club.
The first official meeting of the LeRoy Garden Club was held January 18, 1939.  
"Because it's the Garden Club's 75th anniversary, we decided to make the container contest more interesting by suggesting a patriotic theme and/or decoration for the containers," said club member Marlys Sutherland.
The club will also present a reading of the the Garden Club minutes from 1939!
For those interested in entering the contest and participating in this historic event: Bring your Container Garden entry to South Park on Saturday, July 19th between 9:00 to 9:30 a.m. 
Members of the Garden Club will be there from 9:00 a.m to assist you in entering your container. The container garden show is from 10:00 12:00 noon
The event is free and the contest is open to anyone interested in container gardening.
A brief awards ceremony will be held at noon.  First place - $25.00 gift certificate, second place - $15.00 gift certificate, People’s Choice - $25.00 gift certificate, all to the Treehouse.
Containers will be judged on creativity, color, eye appeal, interest and patriotic theme or decoration.
The Garden Container Contest is sponsored by the LeRoy Garden Club, the LeRoy Commercial Club and the Treehouse.

JULY 18-20: LeRoy’s Annual Summerfest Celebration. Full schedule in this weeks issue.
July 18-20 - See more about LeRoy Library Summerfest activities page 5. 
JULY 18-20 - Elma Roundhouse Trail Days in Elma, IA. 
JULY 18-20 - Root River Antique Historical Power Show outside of Spring Valley, MN. 
JULY 18 - Ridiculous & Family Fun Day in Cresco, IA, 9-6
JULY 19 - L-O Class of 1954’s 60th Class Reunion at Travel Lanes
JULY 19 - Co-Ed Volleyball Tournament at South Park
JULY 19 - Antique, Tool, Sporting Goods, & Household Auction at Spring Valley Sales Auct. Bldg. at 9:00 a.m.
JULY 25 - Open House Bridal Shower for Katie Subra, bride-elect of Nick Lunning, 6:30 p.m., LeRoy Lutheran Church.
JULY 27 - Meyer Tractor Ride, Meyer, IA. Tractors will leave at 1:00 p.m.
JULY 27 - Steeple Days in Lourdes, IA.
JULY 27 - Antique, Tool, Toy, & Household Auction at Spring Valley Sales Auct. Bldg. at 9:00 a.m.
AUGUST 2 - Church of Cash. A Tribute Band to Johnny Cash from 4-7 p.m. in Riceville, IA.
AUGUST 16 - Absolute Estate Auction, 14576 State Hwy. 16, Spring Valley, MN.
By Ginger Holm

One or more individuals are illegally throwing junk outside, near the recycling bins that are situated behind LeRoy City Hall.  City Maintenance Supervisor John Jones is fed up, and he means to put an end to it.
"There was a TV and a dishwasher out there this morning and a bunch of toys last week," said Jones. "They're not supposed to do that."
When junk is left outside by the recycle bins, the City has to pick it up and dispose of it - that costs the City and, ultimately, the tax payers, money. 
The City wants everyone to know the area is being watched, and to heed the warning or face legal consequences.

By Eileen Evans

It doesn't matter what they say, but LeRoy, Minnesota, just has to be the busiest small town in these United States. It is hard to keep up with all the things happening, and this Summerfest 2014 is no exception because starting on Friday, July 18, the first day of the three day celebration, at 1 p.m. when the LeRoy Public Library sponsors a program of Professor Marvel's World of Wonders at the LeRoy Community Center, all the way to the last piece of free watermelon at South Park on Sunday after the parade, it is just one busy place to be.  And fun too.
Added this year is the Friday night supper put on by the LeRoy Lions Club at the L-O High School Commons beginning at 5:30 p.m. and going all the way to when it is time to quit serving and attend the annual Variety Show in the big gym put on by the LeRoy Community Theater group. The meal of tacos, ice cream and Artesian Fresh water is the Lions Club's first attempt at meal planning and the plans look good.
Then there's the 5K/Walk with glow sticks starting at 8 p.m. which is a pool benefit. Starting at 9 that same night, Friday, there will be a DJ sponsored by Sweet's Hotel, outside of the bar and restaurant, rather than the live band street dance.
On Saturday, the schedule is loaded from 8 a.m. when the games start at South Park, all the way to another dance sponsored by Travel Lanes that night. In between those events are fun, games, food and prizes, just find the competition or games which interest you, and you will have a full day of things to do. Also, for the first time, there will be Beer Garden and Concessions at South Park sponsored by L-O Forever.
One of the highlights is the Garden Club's Patriotic Container Garden contest at South Park and cupcakes served at the site in honor of the Garden Club's 75th anniversary.
Another new event is the Little Miss and Little Mr. Summerfest contest for ages 5-9 at South Park at 1 p.m. But earlier, starting at 12 noon there will be Kick Ball games at South Park for ages Kindergarten through grades 6-12.  Adult sign up is at 4 p.m.
The Windsor Chop supper will start at 5 p.m.
Sunday is loaded again, from the 10 o'clock ecumenical service at South Park through the free watermelon feed at South Park following the Grand Parade at 2 p.m.
In other business at the Commercial club meeting last Thursday, members discussed the news about the upcoming visit of a Bike Ride coming to LeRoy on Friday, August 15 when 175 bike riders are expected to stay overnight in LeRoy. Plans include the group having supper at the Travel Lanes and breakfast will be at Sweet's Hotel very early the next morning before the bike riders take off on their bike ride to Austin. All parts of the event are being made by the organizers of the three day bike ride.
Members also provided Tom Jasper with a thank you gift in appreciation of his live auction work at the Commercial Club's annual Basket Social which raises funds which are used throughout the year for community events. The June event was very successful, thanks to Tom and his crew.
The Commercial Club has also invited the Culpepper & Merriweather Circus to come to LeRoy on Monday, August 4, next month. They will perform at two performances, the first show at 5 p.m. and the other one at 7:30 p.m. the same evening. This circus will be held at South Park.
Next Commercial club meeting will be on Wednesday, August 13, the date changed from Thursday, the usual date.
By Ginger Holm

The Therese Halbach Education Memorial will be sponsoring the 11th annual THEM Golf Tournament on Saturday, July 26 at the Cedar River Country Country Club in Adams, Minn.  
THEM is a non-profit corporation established in Therese’s name to fund education and student grants within local school districts.
Therese, who passed away of cancer on January 29, 2003, had a passion to help young people achieve their dreams. She served on the board of St. Ansgar Dollars for Scholars for many years. 
Shortly before her death, she asked her husband, Ed, to continue her work helping young people. Ed formed THEM corporation with the intent to honor Therese by carrying out her wishes to help create financial opportunities for young people in the area.
The first annual Therese Halbach Memorial Golf Tournament was held on July 30, 2004, at the Cedar River Country Club in Adams. The tournament has been held annually since. To date, THEM has awarded over $40,000 in college scholarships.
The cost is $70 per person, which includes 18 holes of golf, a cart and lunch. Sponsoring a hole costs $150 and guest dinners are $15.
To reserve a spot at the event, you can go to the site:  
If you would like more information, or to make a donation, contact:  Them, 2005 N Shore Dr. #1, Clear Lake, IA 50428 or email
Dan Kunert
LOHS 1998 Alum 
Married to Tanya Kunert. “We met while both 
working at Good Earth Village 2001.”
 They have one daughter Annabell Grace Kunert   born November 1, 2013 in St Louis Park. The family calls Blaine, MN home now.

JDS: Where have you lived since LOHS? 
DK: Mankato, Plymouth, Woodbury, Blaine
JDS: What is your favorite memory of the LeRoy-Ostrander School? 
DK: I remember a day back in 97 or 98 sitting in Mr. Hardy’s class and him teaching us on compounding interest and the stock markets. He told us if we starting saving X amount of money now and putting it into stocks like Coke / Pepsi by the time we got old it could be over a million dollars. Often times I reflect on that day in class and wonder what would have happened if someone actually followed his advice what they would have now. 
JDS: Where do you work and what do you do at your job? 
DK: I work as a Probation Officer for Hennepin County. I currently supervise an Extended Jurisdiction Juvenile caseload. These are juveniles that have been convicted of felony level offenses and have a stayed Adult prison sentence contingent on their completion of Probation. 
 Also for the past 10 years I have owned my own DJ company. We typically provide music for weddings, ceremonies, and other corporate events.
JDS: Where does Tanya work and what does she do? 
DK: Tanya works for the state of Minnesota in the Courts.
 JDS: If you could go back to your Senior year at LOHS, what would you do again and what would you change? 
DK: I would have taken more advantage of PSEO classes.
 JDS: Tell me more about your favorite memories of growing up in the L-O community. 
DK: Enjoyed playing softball in the summer for the Ostrander league. 
JDS: What would your former classmates of LOHS be surprised to learn about you now? 
DK: I spend a lot of my time in Court dealing with public defenders, county attorneys, and judges. Then on the weekends DJ.
JDS: If you could add one business to Main Street or somewhere in LeRoy what would it be and why? 
DK: A movie theater growing up would have been nice!
JDS: Favorite song or band right now? 
DK: Nothing really as I hear it all on the weekends and weekdays its talk radio.
JDS: Favorite teacher from your LOHS days and why? 
DK: Mr. Hanson, he was always very fair and calm. I ran into him while I was in college randomly and it was nice to hear his perspective of us students. I spend a lot of my time chasing down clients at school and I am glad I grew up in a small town as opposed to these large schools up here. 
JDS: You have an hour of television to watch. What do you want on? 
DK: Sadly it is reality tv.
 JDS: Tell me about your proudest achievement since leaving LOHS.
DK: Becoming a father. (now our daughter is only 7 months old so the memory is still fresh in my mind!)
 JDS: What are your lifelong dreams? 
DK: A year ago- Cabin in the woods, boat, RV. Now as a father – whatever my Daughter wishes.
JDS: If you could have everything you wanted out of this life it would be… 
DK: To live and enjoy each day we get!
JDS: What do you do in your spare time? 
DK: I’m still a gamer at heart and enjoy my PS3.  
JDS: What do you know now that you wish you knew back then? 
DK: Everyone often talks about wishing they could go back and doing something all over again. Personally, I ended up right where I wanted to be. It is nothing that I thought I would be doing when I left High School, but I have a job, a healthy family, and a reason to start each day. What more can anyone ask for. (well maybe that million dollars Mr. Hardy promised)
JDS: When your time on earth is up, how would you like to be remembered? 
DK: I think this quote appropriately sums it up: "Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them bleed deeper in something that's larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him, and make the running the man did live forever."--Ultimate Warrior

It’s not often you get to go golfing, but when you do, you always want to be loaded with a few good jokes. So in honor of golf season and the many courses in the area, here are a few jokes that should get a few “shanks” from the laughs they’ll get . . . 
• A golfer walks off the 18th green, hands his putter to his caddie and says, "Kid, you've got to be the worst caddie in the world."
The caddie replies, "Sir, that would be too much of a coincidence." 
• A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."
The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."
The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot - approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"
To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"
• Russ & Bill were approaching the first tee at Cedar River.
Bill goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, “Hey, why don’t you try this ball?”
He draws a green golf ball out of his bag and says “You can’t lose it.”
Russ replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?”
Bill replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound. If you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”
Obviously, Russ doesn’t believe him, but Bill shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced.
Russ says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?”
Bill replies, “I found it.”• Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.
• The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The third old guy said, "I had seven riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it." 
• A U.S. citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round of golf and is paired with three local gents. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a Mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway about 280 yards out.
With a big smile, he asks the others "In the U.S., we call that a Mulligan; was wondering what you called it here in Ireland."
After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, "Hitting three." 
• After slicing his tee shot into the woods, a golfer heads off in search of his ball, which he finds behind a large tree. After considering his position -- and not wanting to take a drop and lose a stroke -- he decides to hook the ball around the tree. He swings, the ball hits the tree, ricochets back at him, and instantly kills him. 
When he opens his eyes, he sees the Pearly Gates and St. Peter standing before him. 
"Am I dead?" he asks. 
"Yes, my son," replies St. Peter, who looks the man over and notices his clubs. "I see you're a golfer. Are you any good?" "
Hey, I got here in two, didn't I?" 
Onward, upward!